Editor’s Commentary on Scene in Emergency Reunion

Original:

The warmth in his voice did funny things to her insides. Things she didn’t want to feel. She pressed a palm to her belly and sat up straighter. “So you understand why I don’t want this blown out of proportion, because between you and me, I’m pretty sure I’m being hazed.”

“Hazed?” Cole shook his head. “Did you not see the look in your partner’s face? Your fellow paramedics are not behind this.”

“It could be a front.”

Cole scooted his chair up close to hers, and clasped her hands. “Trust me, Sherri. His reaction wasn’t a front.”

Editor’s Comment: This feels incomplete. This would be a great place for her to talk about all the other incidents, and how she’s feeling about them, so the reader knows some of what’s been going on, but also a good place for her to give us a little more about how she is feeling having Cole back. Also, she should ask him, or be rude to him, or hint at the fact that she’s not over his abandonment.

My earliest version of the opening three chapters had the coffee shop scene of Cole with his brother and getting the call about Sherri being attacked by a dog. It didn’t show the attack from Sherri’s point of view.

Editor’s comment: I’d like you to consider something for this scene; should it be in Sherri’s POV? The scene later, where she almost gets hit by the corn sack, and then blown up, is also in Cole’s POV, and I think we need to have some of these be a description of how Sherri is feeling. Having it be in Cole’s POV works for the rest of the chapter, but wouldn’t it be great to hear how her heart is beating, how scared she is, how the growling dog is almost going to attack her, how she came up to the house and it came out of nowhere etc? Maybe there’s room for both POVs? Just a thought. If not here, then please keep this in mind when you’re writing the rest, that it’d be nice to get some of these danger scenes from her POV as they’re happening to her.

In addition to doing as the editor recommended, I reordered the scenes so they built up to the dog attack scene, which in the final manuscript occurs in chapter five.