–Deleted Scene

I didn’t actually delete any scenes even from the first draft, merely modified and rearranged the order of certain segments, but below is an example of a small portion of a scene, my editor suggested deleting/changing.

Original Version

I made a move to follow [my mother], but Tanner sidestepped and blocked the door. “What do you say tomorrow night I take you out for dinner to one of the seafood restaurants on the island? Or we could get it as a picnic and watch the sunset like Harrison Ford and Sabrina do in that movie you like.”

“How do you know I like that movie?”

“I was your field-training officer for how many months? And I’m sure you talked about it at least a dozen times.”

“My mom told you, didn’t she?”

“Your dad.” He winked.

Terrific. Now my parents were tag teaming against me.

The sparkle in Tanner’s eyes dimmed a fraction. “Or did you already have a date with Nate?”

Editor’s Comments:

It felt to me like Tanner went from 1 to 60 in one line. Maybe a compromise…. It could be that Tanner starts out by pointing out that she is supposed to be on vacation….so how about “we get some dinner at…” It’s more of an activity rather than “taking you out for dinner” and I’d omit the romantic beach picnic part. Unless you really do want Serena’s head spinning so early in the novel.

Final Version

I made a move to follow, but Tanner sidestepped and blocked the door. “Hey, I’m sorry your trip isn’t shaping up to be much of a vacation.”

I nodded. I mean, what could I say?

“How about we get dinner at one of the island’s seafood restaurants tomorrow night?” he suggested. “Take your mind off things for a little while at least.”

I didn’t immediately answer and his eyes dimmed a fraction.

“Or did you already have a date with Nate?”

 

 

4 Comments

  • I’ll add my voice to the crowd clamouring for more!
    I had gotten the first one as a free download from Amazon and it sounded interesting, so started reading it. I finished it later that evening and immediately borrowed the e-book for book 2 from my library and started and finished it that same night, and before going to sleep I put in a hold request for book 3. I read book three over the course of the last 5 hours. So good!!!! The books are just so incredibly ENJOYABLE to read, please write that fourth one! Please!!

    P.S. Ontario represent!
    P.P.S Nate definitely stepped up the game, but Team Tanner all the way!

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